THE Admiral quitted his final command

And, laden with honours, went back to the land

Enjoying its blessings; and when, on a day,

A ship-breaking firm towed his flagship away,

He purchased her bell, which he hung in his Hall,

Rejoicing his pensioner Cox'n withal.

The latter, whose gait was a nautical roll,

Was a faithful, efficient but reticent soul

Who burnished the bell to a glory unmatched

And whitened, on Sundays, a yoke line attached

Whereby the first footman, with rites of the sea,

Struck eight bells for dinner and two bells for tea.

But zeal very seldom wins all it deserves

And the clamour got on to Her Ladyship's nerves,

Who "issued a memo" (if that's how it's done)

Reducing the strokes to a uniform—One—

Whatever the hour and whichever the meal.

Though the Cox'n said nothing he thought a good deal.

For the Admiral's smile was exchanged for a frown

(Omnipotence ends when the Flag is hauled down!)

And he muttered in wrath of a—something—disgrace

As he tramped up and down, with a strict Service face,

Which his Cox'n, with others, had noted of yore

As "Forecast—Unsettled," with trouble in store!

It was then that the kitchen seemed under a curse,

If the tea was distasteful the dinner grew worse,

Though the cook "done her best to have everything nice,"

The guests would get 'everything cold but the ice!'

Till Her Ladyship's anger explosively fell

One day, on the Cox'n, intent on his bell.

When the storm had abated, "My Lady" quoth he,

"A'begging your pardon, they do say, at sea,

Ship's bells have a sort of a spirit, they says,

That never takes kindly to shore-going ways!

You must strike 'em the way they've been trained to be struck,

But toll 'em like you do, they don't bring no luck!"

The oracle ceased and proceeded again

With rag and with Bluebell to polish amain,

While Her Ladyship's lips half suspiciously twitched

And she stared at the bell as at something bewitched!

Though what she was thinking's not easy to say;

But she "cancelled her memo" the very next day!

And the Cox'n said nothing, by word or by look,

Though My Lady once thought that he winked at the cook,

An action which he was the first to deny

Declaring a 'stoker' had "flew in his eye".

So now they're all happy as happy can be

Striking eight bells for dinner and two bells for tea!

"Naval Review."